


heaven hold us

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: under 1k saphael [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Love, Religion, Sad and Happy, episode: s01ep13 Morningstar, fight me, gray ace raphael, the betrayal doesn't happen, this is how season one ends and there is no season two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 13:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: They speak of Camille potentially ripping Simon from his life with the demands they make. No, he'd stated angrily. No, Simon agreed.Raphael feels the imprint of the sacred cross on his palm, biting into the skin there.Simon watches him closely, his eyes are always on Raphael. Simon who is beautiful and sacred, whose lips cannot speak God's name without burning.(Or - Simon refuses to betray Raphael)





	heaven hold us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatbloodyines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatbloodyines/gifts).



 

 

> _I'll stand before the lord of song_  
>  _with nothing on my tongue but hallelujah_
> 
> ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttEMYvpoR-k))

 

Raphael's fingers automatically find the cross around his neck after Clary and Isabelle leave. 

 

The shadowhunters make him feel cast out and unholy. In their eyes full of scorn and hate, he is a monster. Does he not bow for prayers and kiss the cross? Did he not return Simon, dust to dust, with God's name on his lips? Is he not the same boy who once clasped the rosary and sang hymns at his mamás side?

Is he not human to them.

Beside of him, Simon is tense.

His shoulders are rounded and jaw clenched. How dare they make him feel inferior? Raphael can handle their criticism and disdain until it bleeds over onto the boy he saved, the boy he adores. They come into DuMort and bring death and destruction. They speak of Camille potentially ripping Simon from his life with the demands they make. No, he'd stated angrily. No, Simon agreed. 

Raphael feels the imprint of the sacred cross on his palm, biting into the skin there.

Simon watches him closely, his eyes are always on Raphael. Simon who is beautiful and sacred, whose lips cannot speak God's name without burning. In Raphael's mind, Camille's manicured nails are stabbing into Simon's throat as his blood stains her teeth. She's draining him, one holy drop at a time. Tears begin to well up in Raphael's eyes as they had only minutes prior, at the recollection of laying Simon's body to rest in a cold dark grave. 

"Hey," Simon says, unfolding Raphael's hand from the cross. He kisses the four points in his palm and leads them away from the room. Away from the ache in Raphael's chest, far from the air Clary poisoned with a veiled threat. 

They pass Stan on the way to their shared bedroom and Simon shakes his head no. No, it didn't go well.

No, not now. 

 

+

 

 

They make love and Raphael allows Simon to reshape him, to reconstruct what careless words had destroyed in a matter of minutes. 

Loving Simon Lewis is the closest to Heaven his sinful body will ever get but he doesn't feel dirty here. Under the sheets with  _him_ and the faint breath against his cheek, he doesn't doubt himself. 

 _"Sagrado,"_ Simon murmurs against his collarbone. 

Holy, holy, holy -

Raphael shudders under him.  _"Dios,"_ he breathes, for both of them. 

Simon trails his lips up Raphael's throat and kisses him, whisper soft. Their hands intertwine and Raphael thinks of Eden. Crimson lips like ripe fruit where the forbidden fall from grace and swallow temptation. 

Simon's hands graze Raphael's hips, _hallelujah_. His lips move against Raphael's thigh - words in Hebrew he cannot understand but they feel right. They are not religious and God is not in them but it  _feels_ like He is.  

His mouth closes over Raphael and swallows, tongue laving over the skin tenderly. How. How can they be anything but this? They're far from Heaven and each caress is a broken hallelujah but they're  _here_ by the grace of God and Simon  _loves_ him. He touches him with such reverence that Raphael's eyes fill with tears only this time there is no pain. There's love in the details, in holding him close.

 

For decades Raphael wandered the earth with barbed wire around his fragile heart and a cross around his neck - until Simon. When he crawled out of the grave, Raphael felt reborn - as if he were witnessing a miracle. This one person - the whole world over - was  _his._  

 

Simon brings him to the edge and Raphael gasps his name - broken and so in love that his chest might collapse under the weight of it.  _Simon_ means  _I'm going to love you and myself._  Simon means  _redemption._

He presses a final kiss to his thigh and crawls up Raphael until there's no space between them. 

He thumbs at a wet streak on Raphael's cheek, worried. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

No, he thought, _you saved me_. 

He shakes his head no and slots his lips over Simon's.

He licks into his mouth and wills the love to speak when his throat is too tied up in emotion to form words. They kiss, langid and soft and Raphael moulds Simon against him - dust to dust - their bodies coming together like blood to wine. Simon grinds against him and moans into the kiss until his hips build up a rhythm.

Raphael's hands hungrily skim over every inch of skin he can reach. He presses his mouth against Simon's again and again and kisses him through it as he trembles and falls apart. When it's over, Simon collapses on top of him and repeats the same words in Hebrew.

Raphael cards his hands through tousled waves and feels Simon sigh happily against his chest.

"What does that mean?" He asks, curious. 

"It's Hebrew for  _I love you._ " 

"Say it again."

Simon lights up, proud to share a language that's sacred to him. He smiles crookedly and repeats the words. Before he can finish the last one, Raphael hauls him up and kisses him tenderly. He wants to taste that love - to bury it deep within him until the stars above are envious of his glow. He wants the world to know about a boy who loves him like stained glass windows and bent knees. 

 _"Te amo mi cielo,"_ he whispers in return. 

 

He is not how the shadowhunters see him. He is composed of every minute spent looking into those brown eyes and recognizing love.

* * *

 

 

When he drinks from Simon much later, he tastes of communion wine and  _Eden._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> gifting to two amazing people who are forever inspiring me to write <3 
> 
> skeletordidntdieforthis (tumblr) (a birthday gift for you pal)
> 
> and thatbloodyines (ines) 
> 
> also inspired by a picture of Simon immediately post-betrayal with what looks like bite marks on his neck and a tiny hickey. additionally, the thigh grab of reassurance right as clary and Isabelle entered the room.
> 
> and lastly (because I can't shut up): raphael's glassy teary eyes and far off gaze when simon mentions waking camille.  
> the way he shakes his head and simon reassures him (because he *knows* how much he means to raphael) "she can't kill me again" shatters me every time. there's so much love in that quiet exchange and simon isn't even surprised to see the naked love in raphael's eyes or the concern. it's habitual. 
> 
> (fyi: s2 doesn't exist) 
> 
> title: "when it's all over" by raign  
> lyrics in fic: "hallelujah" by leonard cohen


End file.
